The wrong reasons...

As I said in my last blog, getting genuinely HEALTHY has not really been important to me until recently. I wanted to be skinny and hot. I wanted to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain time. 

I'm reading a book that I have a feeling is going to be lifechanging. It's "Body Mind Balance" by Osho. It's a meditative study book, and I cannot tell you how enlightening it is. It completely mirrors my beliefs on life, and spells out the things I have not yet been able to define. 

Religion for example: I know I'm treading on dangerous grounds here, and let me preface my own beliefs with the statement that I am NOT trying to push my beliefs onto people, or say that people believe something outside of what my beliefs are are wrong or bad or whatever. But I am a spiritual person. I believe in "God" though I'm not necessarily convinced of the image that is portrayed in the Bible. I believe God is a lucid term for something bigger than ourselves that we can't understand- To make it easy, I call it by the name most people are familiar with, but sometimes I refer to "it" as energy, the Universe, karma, etc. Trying to explain to people, namely my agnostic father, why I believe no matter what path you choose, it brings you to your "destiny" and that things happen the way they do for a reason is challenging because we are humans want control. And I think we have it. I think we choose the path, and the lessons and destinations may change slightly, but we all ultimately get to the same place... Does that make sense? This book summed it up as "Whatever river you are floating in, if you allow it to take you where it's leading, they will all lead to the ocean". Amazing, and right. 

This book also says that we, as humans, are taught to recognize pain, misery, etc but never to appreciate stillness, happiness, love. Think about it: If you meet someone and ask how they are, and they say "I'm ok. But my head hurts and I need to lose 20 lbs." We say, "Ok". But if we meet someone and ask how they are to have them response "I'm fantastic." We ask, "Oh really? Why?" as if being fantastic were a crime. And heaven forbid the "fantastic" person go on to say "I just am- nothing in my life is bad, and nothing in my life is particularly eventful, but I'm alive and I appreciate that"- We'd leave thinking they were crazy, or in denial. Isn't that sad?

There are 2 ways to go through life and this book explains them. One is to appreciate nothing and constantly think of things we need to change. And almost all of us live like this, even those of us (myself included) that say "I'm an optimistic positive person!". We may SAY that, but then how do we act? Our friends and family call and instead of saying "I had a great day. I slept until I was no longer tired, I woke up and made a breakfast that fueled my body in the right ways. I lingered over my cup of tea while I read my book, then I went for a walk with a friend and talked about life. Then I came home, sat outside and looked at the sky, before returning to my book, and I finished up my day by listening to classical music and talking to my husband before taking a bath and going to bed". If someone told ME this, I wouldn't be happy for their well being- I might be envious that they seem to have the luxury of living a life free from responsibilities. But maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe in reality, the person did wake up when they were well rested because they chose to go to bed early the night before. Maybe the person did have a breakfast that fed their body well but nothing too elaborate- maybe just yogurt and fruit. Maybe "lingering" over tea meant taking 5 minutes to actually finish it. Maybe while finishing the tea, the book they were reading was to one of their children, and the walk with the friend only came after changing diapers or running errands or making lunch. You get the point. But the person ultimately chose to focus on the parts of their day that made them feel complete and whole. 

Yeah, we ALL have responsibilities, jobs, etc but we all also have the capability to change our focus. We all have the option of focusing on the hardships of our day, or the beauty of our day- and each of our days will have them both. However, we create our own outlook by making the conscious decision of how we want to see the world. 

When I have people email me, I normally get one of two different focuses. The first is the rarest and normally goes something like this: "Isabeau, thank you for doing what you do and for being "real" and imperfect like the rest of it. I, too, am trying to live everyday a little bit better and focus on my own well being. I'm learning the importance of loving myself first, and with that, I know I will attain my goals- physically and mentally."   I love those. No, there's not much room to offer advice, but it's just a nice gesture for someone to reach out and say "I'm in there with ya!". The second kind of email is the most common, and I get on an almost daily basis and goes something like this: "Isabeau,  I am fill-in-the-blank years old, a mother of 300 and I have no time to do anything. I've tried losing weight 49 times, and always gain it back. I don't have time to go to the gym, I don't have money to eat well, I don't have anyone to watch my kids, and I want to lose 50 lbs before December so I can fit in my Christmas pajamas. Give me advice"

Yeah- maybe this is a BIT of an exaggeration, but I'm not kidding when I say almost all of the emails I get soliciting advice contain a few of these components. Yeah- some of it IS the circumstances. Of COURSE it's easier to set aside time to yourself, money for yourself and food for yourself if you have no dependents. But is it impossible? No. 

I have a friend who has one of the sweetest and agreeable babies I've ever met. My friend and her husband live on a relatively modest budget, and because of that decided to grow their own vegetables, and even get some animals to provide eggs, milk, etc. They could consider what they have to be both "too much" (as in, responsibility) or "not enough" as in money, but instead, they just live. My friend harvests the vegetables and cooks healthy meals with them, even with the responsibilities of watching her and sometimes other peoples' children. Her husband takes care of the animals, on top of working a sometimes 70 hour a week job. In between overtime, they always make time to eat dinner as a family, though their daughter is not yet old enough to understand the importance of it. To my friend, cooking, being a good mother, taking time to do her daily pilates, harvest the vegetables, maintain her home, and care about her body, is not a burden. It is natural. God, or the Universe, or the energy surrounding us- whatever you want to call it- WANTS us to treat ourselves well, and if you let all the preconceived notions go, your day and life will naturally flow in that direction. 

We are taught to fight. If we're hungry, we're taught "not to eat" if we're trying to lose weight, instead of finding something natural and fulfilling to eat. We know when we're STARVING and we know when we're STUFFED, but few of us know the feeling of "satiated". Same with exercise: We know when we're couch potatoes and lazy, and we know when we've overdone it in the gym and are injured, but we rarely recognize the good, worked feeling of a moderate workout that is attainable for us. Most of us don't know what we've done until we're overworked, overstressed, overeating, overdoing, overanalyzing, overshot. If we could learn to recognize satiation, we could all find balance...

That's my goal for the today. There is much that needs to be done in my house- But I have set aside 4 45-minute slots to work on 4 separate projects. After 45 minutes, I take a break. I've done 1 of my 45-minute slots to organize my pantry, and after finishing the project, I was 99% done, which would normally bother me to not just get that 1% finished, but I assigned it over to my fiance, and left feeling un-stressed and proud of what I HAD accomplished and organized. 

After this blog, I will spend 45 minutes cleaning out my hall closet, take another break, spend another 45 minutes on my laundry room, break, and then before bed spend 45 minutes on my bedroom closet. I dont expect any of them to get completely done today, but I do expect that I'll wake up tomorrow happy that they're half done, instead of angry that they're half done. 

It doesn't require a change of circumstance, simply a change of perspective. And I am really starting to see a half-full glass as a wonderful thing :)